Saturday, July 17, 2010

Money in the Bank Preview

Welcome to the Money in the Bank Preview and as of right now it looks like, I will be doing this one solo, since I haven't talked to Johnny C in a while. If he sends me his half of the preview, I will update and put it in here.

This PPV is kind of a mixed bag for me since the Money in the Bank is one of my favorite matches of the year, and having two of them in the same night (possibly overkill and just asking for an injury aside) is almost enough for me to buy this PPV. Then I glace at the PPV card and see that there are two Divas matches, and I can't justify taking two shit breaks during something I paid $40-$50 for. Barring the promise of numerous wardrobe malfunctions or hardcore lesbian sex between Layla and Kelly Kelly, I'm not about to pay for Money in the Bank and if you are thinking about it, I would advise that neither should you.

Instead, you should spend that money on something worthwhile like Inception. I watched that movie and it was fucking awesome. It's absolutely the best movie of this summer, and I have trouble thinking that any are going to be better throughout the year. Nolan puts his own stamp on their heist movie genre, adds a little bit of a radical idea, and mixes them together to create a a very original and creative movie.You could watch Inception, it will be at a fraction of the cost of ordering a PPV, and you will enjoy yourself far more.

But I'm getting off topic, so let's go back to the Money in the Bank preview. The title matches aren't really that interesting since they have both been overshadowed by either the Nexus Invasion or Kane's fruitless endeavor to fight Taker's attacker (especially since the Investigation Team at Vintage Blog has already solved it) so the only matches that will be worth it are the two Money in the bank matches, which makes sense since that's what the PPV's selling point is.

Layla (Champion) vs. Kelly Kelly
Singles Match for the Women's Championship

Aizaz - Hahahahahahahaha! Two of the worst workers (barring Rosa Mendes) in the "wrestlers" with a vagina division face off for a title that is worth absolute shit. Yawn.

Predicted Winner - I don't care who wins, but the loser in this situation are the brain cells I used for this.

Alicia Fox (Champion) vs. Eve Torres
Singles match for the Butterfly
Aizaz -You know what's great about having two Divas matches on the PPV? I have to do less work when it comes to writing theses PPV previews. I'm about 98% sure creative has a very similar state of mind when they decided to put two Divas matches on a PPV.

Predicted Winner - Alicia Fox, it certainly won't be the unfortunate souls who actually buy the PPV.

The Hart Dynasty (Champion) vs. The Usos
Tag Team Match for the Unified Tag Team Championship
Aizaz - I know exactly why this match was allowed to take place on this PPV, and it's because everyone else who usually performs on the card is in the Money in the Bank matches, so they have to fill some time by having these guys wrestle each other. It's not a bad plan at all, except the fact that the build up to this has been lackluster. The Usos come out every week and attack The Hart Dynasty. Rinse and Repeat. It's creatively lazy and is a large part as to why no one cares about The Usos and very few care about the THD. Back when the Hardys, Dudleyz, and Edge/Christian (Golden Age of Tag team wrestling) were feuding over the belts they actually got time on the mic to develop their characters and that made people hate or like them. The Usos actually aren't bad on the mic so they should have allotted some more time on the mic. Instead that time is given God awful comedy skits with some irrelevant guests hosts and Santino. I'm saddened by the fact that I care about this stuff more than the people whose job it it to do so. Anyway, I see The Hart Dynasty taking this since the Usos have had the upperhand for most of the "feud".

Predicted Winner - The Hart Dynasty

Christian vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Big Show vs. Matt Hardy vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes vs. Kane vs. Drew McIntyre
Money in the Bank Match
Aizaz - The Smackdown MiTB has a heavy favorite and it's none other than the Jizzbucket known as Drew McIntyre. Back when Teddy Long announced that Drew's visa had expired, I really wanted it to stand for "Drew, you fucking suck and you are being sent back to FCW". Instead, the prodigal waste of sperm returns and beats Kofi and Christian in consecutive weeks. If the WWE has Drew win the MiTB or Lord forbid win the WWE Or WHC Champion, I just want to publicly state that brand will be dead to me. Now, let's look at the rest of the contestants.

Big Show - He won't win though I'm curious as to what kind of spot they have planned for him. Here is hoping Show does take a plunge off the ladder.

Kane - The Big Red Machine will play a large in this match whether it's actually winning it or coming oh so close to grasping the briefcase. Let me elaborate, we will probably see Kane being oh so close to grabbing onto the briefcase when suddenly the lights will go out, and you will hear the famous GONG! The Deadman will cost Kane a shot at the title and from there they will either meet in a Casket Match at Summerslam, or at the Hell in a Cell PPV.

If Kane wins the Money in the Bank then I see him cashing it on Mysterio later on in the night (they already have the injured ankle excuse) and the title gets defended at Summerlsam when Taker makes his return. I would put my money on Kane coming close though.

"Dashing" Cody Rhodes - I like his new gimmick though I would suggest he get a new valet to justify the "Dashing" moniker. His gimmick is still in its infancy stage so a victory here will be entirely too soon.

Matt Hardy - He hasn't been bad on the mic in the build up to this match, but I don't see Hardy's guarantee to win the MiTB coming to fruition tonight. Why? Have you look at him recently? the man needs a shirt to hide his gut, I highly doubt Vince will reward him with a title for that.

Dolph Ziggler - He can be considered the dark horse of this match. His pairing with Vickie Guerrero has managed to get him some heat from the fans, but I don't think it's quite enough to get him a World Title run.

Kofi Kingston - Kofi has been heavily featured in the promotion for this PPV. Moreover, he is the most "ready" midcarder to take the leap into the World Title picture. He is good in the ring (even if he does tend to have lot of botches) ,over with fans, and can cut a serviceable promo. If McIntyre wasn't such a favorite, I would go with Kofi.

Christian - Oh Captain Charisma what has happened to you? When he got drafted over to Smackdown, I had such high hopes for the Pontiff of the Peepulation but they have all been mercilessly crushed. Now, he is getting compared to Matt fucking Hardy. Fuck you to whatever asshole wrote that. Not only is Christian leaps and bounds better than Hardy in the ring, he is excellent on the mic unlike Hardy who can barely cut a promo, Christian possesses tons of charisma where as Matt is still riding his junkie brother's coattails. Oh and let's not forget Christian is a former World Champion as much as the WWE wants to pretend otherwise.

Here is video proof, I even have it favorite'd on my Youtube account.

As much as I love Christian, I can't pick him to win since Vince seems intent on not giving him a World title (My random internet theory that has absolutely no basis: Christian fucked both Stephanie and Linda while making Vince and Triple H watch). I'm pretty sure it will be McIntyre who wins, but I can't bring myself up to write so I will pick

Predicted Winner - Kofi Kingston

Chris Jericho vs. Randy Orton vs. Edge vs. John Morrison vs. Mark Henry vs. Evan Bourne vs. Ted DiBiase vs. The Miz
Money in the Bank Match

Aizaz - This should be a contender for Match of the Night since it has the likes of Bourne, Morrison, Edge and Jericho. I have absolutely no doubt that these guys will pull out all the stops to put on a fantastic match. Hopefully, no one gets injured............alright maybe Orton but that's just because I think he is a despicable human being. Also, the Raw creative team has a nice job of building this match, it reminds me of the build before the very first MiTB, and I like it.

Mark Henry - The World's "Strongest" Man should just be happy that he is still employed. No way, he is going to win this unless the other 7 competitors are somehow crippled.

John Morrison - Post draft, I predicted that Morrison would be a casualty of the Monday Night Raw Midcard Curse. Right now, he is serving as fodder for NXT and cutting horrible promos against ted DiBiase. If anyone needs this Money in the Bank, it's John Morrison. This could raise his worth and provide him with some relevancy in the eyes of the fans. He needs the victory, and I wouldn't be shocked to see him win. However, I don't think that there is a good chance of it happening.

Randy Orton - He looks like the biggest favorite to win the Money in the Bank, but Orton doesn't need a briefcase to get a title shot. In fact, it would hurt him. From a character stand point, Orton would have to cash in the Money in the Bank at the most opportune moment. The WWE has conditioned their fans to think that slimy heels would so something like that thus it would make Orton look weak, so it's bad idea to have him win.

The Miz - He looks really strong heading into this contest, and it would be a good decision to give the briefcase. The Miz could brag about it for the upcoming months, while he gets built up for main event status. When the time is right, they can have him win the title, and create a legitimate new superstar. I have no confidence in the WWE which is why I believe they wont do so or will find a way to fuck themselves.

Ted DiBiase - The dark horse candidate of this MiTB. If he could somehow pay someone off and buy the briefcase it would cement his "Fortunate Son" gimmick. I don't think Vince and his cronies would for it though.

Chris Jericho - Jericho is being punished for hosting his own game show, which is retarded and beyond hypocritical. The WWE craves even lusts after mainstream appeal. It's so bad that they actually waste valuable time on their show to have "celebrities" humiliate their own stars. Jericho gets to host a television show on ABC, and he gets punished for it. How the fuck does that make sense? Chris' contract runs out this fall, I hope he leaves this retarded company and has success with a Hollywood career.

Edge - He doesn't need a MiTB to get a title shot but he will still put on a good effort in the match. The Rated PG superstar might even be the one that costs Jericho or Orton the opportunity to get the briefcase, but he won't win.

Evan Bourne - He has been recipient of a great push and the logical culmination of that push would be for Evan Bourne to win the Money in the Bank and bid his time until he can get in the Main Event picture. He will take some great bumps, and I hope he gets rewarded for them. I think we will see Evan Bourne somehow overcome/or gets past Orton to win the MiTB.

Predicted Winner- Evan Bourne

Rey Mysterio (Champion) vs. Jack Swagger
Singles Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
Aizaz - Mysterio will only be transitional champion, the whole ankle injury just makes me sure of it. The only question that remains is whether he will drop the strap to Kane or Swagger tonight.

Predicted Winner - Not Rey Mysterio

Sheamus (Champion) vs. John Cena
Singles Match for the WWE Championship

Aizaz - I have a confession to make, I'm starting to like Sheamus just a bit. Until his recent title reign, I just of though of him as a pale idiot who got to win the belt based on his friendship with Triple H. While that might be true, he has done a nice job of taking advantage of the opportunity afforded to him by Hunter. It all started the night after he won the title at F4W. Sheamus came out to interrupt Vince McMahon, he sounded remorseful even offering to give the title back because he didn't like the way he won it. Then he burst out laughing and said he was only kidding fella. As soon as he started showing that he had a personality other than being a pale idiot, I started liking the guy. A week or so later, I saw him live at the Wachovia Center and he was arguably the biggest heel of the night because of his antics. He still needs to work on getting better in the ring and even improving his mic skills, but I could learn to like The Irish Fella. Unless Cena is revealed to be mastermind behind Nexus, Sheamus retains.

Predicted Winner - Sheamus

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